Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I miss it.

No powerful nor bombastic words can describe.
Enough said.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Forever me

Imagine this, life is like a piece of paper. Your parents taught you how to hold a pencil or a pencil color or crayons, they tell you the colors, the bright ones, the dull ones, they taught you how to paint. In life, you were given a piece of blank paper. And it's you who draw it, color it, decorate it. Eraser does exist, but it can't rub off mark-less-ly.

My sister and I, we came from the same womb, we have the same mom, same dad, same first name. Yes, we're biological sisters. But that doesn't mean we have the same attitude, same personality. I don't like to be paint with the same brush. Hello? We're two different person. We have a contrast character, opposite attitude and different aspiration. Even twins do.

She, being the eldest one among us, being the first one to go through every steps, but that doesn't mean I have to take her footsteps, right? Remembered when I was in form 4, I got into a science stream class. My sister? She took an account stream. My parents expected me to switch to account stream. Not to look down on me, but they said I might not address it as it is tougher compared to account stream. I know it's tougher, harder, I might not get it in my head. But I just want to prove that they're wrong. Nothing is impossible. As a saying goes, 'when there's a will, there's a way'.

Results? They ain't so good, but they ain't bad either. Sufficient enough to get myself into local university. Yes, I got two offers, matriculation and one more in local university. It's a pretty good opportunity, but my dad, he won't let me in. My sister? Again, she applied for a professional course in a college, somewhere around this town. Over again, my dad asked me to take any courses available in the same college. And I did. Okay with that. That's not my point.

Point is, things have been a little bit different now. My sister, she started wearing scarf couples of months ago. And I don't. I know it's a good thing to wear it, but I'm not ready. I don't want to commit myself with it. When I'm ready, I'll do it. I'll do it for God's sake. Not my parents. And when I do, I want to clean myself from everything. My sister is more polite, she's sweet, and soft-spoken compared to me. People tend to expect the same thing from me. In every aspect of life. No, I'm not like that. We're different. My sister come clean about something she did quite recently. It's not a major problem, but the fact that she hides it from us. Which I will never do. Point is, nobody's perfect.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm a mortal, who are just even with anyone else standing in this world. I may not be as hardworking as my sister, I can't do accounts, and know what? She can't do chemistry either. She may be a little bit smarter than I am in languages, and may be I'm a little bit smarter in mathematics, probably.

You know, we were born with unique specialities. And yet, we are not perfect either. We have flaws, everyone does, but it just that it's in different ways. Indirectly, we're even.

The paper, make it as beautiful as you can. Do the outlines before you color it, so if you use a wrong color, you are capable of changing the color before you color the whole thing. The mark earlier, they ain't going nowhere, but at least, you know it's not suitable and that shall alert you to be more careful in choosing a right color for your drawing.

Friday, June 10, 2011


Though there are thousands of hits songs being broadcast on the radio, I ideally listen to old tunes. It's not that I do not listen to all these new released songs, I do. I do listen to Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, Big Time Rush, The Ready Set, A Rocket To The Moon, Keri Hilson, et cetera, et cetera. They have aptitude for music, they're smashing!

But someway, old tracks make me feel, warm and calm and motivated and inspired. They're classic and, and they're wonderful. Each song has a very deep meaning, and it's mostly implicit. That's the preponderance of oldies, which I like the most. It's not explicitly stated. And they're ageless, they never really did worn me out. Babyface, Luther Vandross, Boys ii Men, James Ingram, 98 Degrees, Brian McKnight, Eric Clapton, KC & Jojo, Shania Twain, oh my, if I have to make a list of best-loved, it's going to be long-drawn-out.

There are lots of them, but here are some of my favorite lifetime oldies :

#1 That's What Friends Are For
#2 More than Words
#3 Will You Wait For Me
#4 One Sweet Day
#5 Everytime You Go Away
#6 Tears in Heaven
#7 Stay The Same
#8 Find 100 Ways
#9 Remember Me This Way
#10 A Promise I Make
#11 You'll Never Stand Alone
#12 Dance With My Father Again
#13 Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You
#14 I'll Stand By You
#15 Sorry For The Stupid Things
#16 Nobody Knows
#17 The Hardest Thing
#18 Hard To Say I'm Sorry
#19 I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
#20 Drama, Love and Relationships

People tend to say it's love songs. Literally, they are. But the word 'love' isn't as a matter of course supposed to be your lover. Boyfriends or girlfriends. Love is for everybody. Parents, siblings, families, friends, all of them. You're highly think of your partner and pay no heed to value your nearest and dearest.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


'For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.'

- Ralph Waldo Emerson -

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Result. :/

Here's the thing, a day before the pre endorsed final result accessible in CMS, my coordinator had sent me a text, just to notify me about it. I can't sleep that freaking night thinking that I might flunk those two subjects I hate the most. Thinking that maybe I need to re-sit the paper again. I kept it to myself and did not tell my parents about it. Soon after that, one of my classmate rang me and she said she knew my result. I was shaking and stammering throughout the phone call. *true story* So she did mention my grades, just grades as in A, B or C, specifically, not.

The day after, I woke up in an unpleasant emotion, the result in some way give me the heebie-jeebies. I had my breakfast early in the morning, take my own sweet time, the fact that, kalau boleh tak nak tau result. But I have to bear with it, of course, I can't take a minute back, so I ran upstairs, switched on my laptop and direct to my college's homepage. And I was shivering from the very first second. The grades told by my friend was wholly true.

I grabbed the nearest calculator and start calculating my grade point average. I re-calculate for a number of times and I got the same number again and again and I cried for some reasons. I dialed up Syahirah, knowing that we always exhange results so on and stuffs like that, so I buzz her first. Just to let her the first one to know after my family. She didn't picked up and she rang me back immediately. Said she haven't take a look at it and asked me a favor to check it for her. So I did, and she turn out to get pretty good outcome. Hey, congratulation. I forgot to say it yesterday.

Facebook, twitter, it was full of yay me and stuffs. See, it's not that I'm not happy with my result, I do, I am happy with it, but the fact that I actually dropped my pointer, who would like it? But genuinely, I am grateful, and I couldn't give more gratitude to God who always there when everybody leaves. Who never give up on me, though I might be the most rebellious creature He ever made, there's no end of gratitude to You.

To all my lecturers, I know I have said this, but I just feel like doing it one more time. :) Thank you for every single thing you've done for me. Every. I know I talk a lot sometimes, I get you on your nerves, things like that, I'm awfully sorry. Thank you for made me who I am today.