Timeless friend

After one whole week of mid term break, routine of waking up early in the morning, get your clothes well ironed, get homeworks and assignments all done, back to normal. Everyone seems to be excited to get back on the wheel. How awkward I don't feel like one.

As I step into the class, I could see hooray moments all over. People throwing questions like 'hey where did you spent your hols?', 'what did you do?', 'did you catch any movies?', so on and so forth. I can see everyone is wearing dazzling smiles all the time. Close friends ran to each other to get  one's arm, shows their affection after couples of days of not meeting.

But me? No. I don't feel the excitement that I used to have before. I know that I oughtn't show the emotion. But things haven't been that good nowadays. Mid term examinations, Japan's natural disaster, undone stuffs, cold treatment, communication breakdown. Everything. Somehow, experience has mellowed me. I believe everything happened for a reason.

I found friends that are truly friends, friends that would stand by me, and friends who are just friends by name. It may change my life, forever. I'm glad to say here that, I've fall in love with the word 'friend'. Which is not only a word to me. It means a world to me. They're beautiful. :)

I Can Do It!

I was loafing around when suddenly something struck my mind. Why am I here today? Who am I? What do I do? The answer of all the questions stand in one sentence. I am a student, who basically study for her future. Well, I have to think about my livelihood. Parents aren't going to support me until I'm grey.

Why am I doing this? Literally, because I need it. And perfectly not because I want it. I'm studying what I'm studying because I have to. Not because I want to. I passed my examinations just because I have to pass, not so much of what I understand in what I'm learning. (that's a lie, eventually I understand a tiny bit of it). I have to score not to let myself sit the same paper over again.

True fact is, I have to get the certificate to get me to higher level. Then, Im qualified for a better job perhaps. And maybe, there are posibilities that the jobs out there that are waiting for me does not even related with what I'm studying now. So what's the point? Destiny will leads me there. At the end of the day, one sentence describe everything. C'est la vie.

I just woke up,

While everyone was presenting their whole stuffs, I sat at the edge of the class thinking that probably what they said is true. Reminisce couples of months ago when I decided to be real nice and be a new me, and say yes more than no, be the lass version of 'Yes Man', and somehow I found that perhaps there's a good reason to say no more than yes.

Yes theory was probably invented to change people's perception to a better cognitive map. I don't know, I'm not the founder of the theory nor a scholar. So tell me about the consequences of saying yes all the time? Nobody ever emphasize about the effect. But hey, I've learned from my very own mistakes. It took me some time to really get into the agenda. Maybe you won't feel it, because we wear a different size of shoes. Sorry for all those fake big smiles on my face, all those laughs that I made. And lately as I started to watch and learn, I think, I'm better off this way. Life gets better each day. :)

Ugly truth perhaps?

Have I ever let you down? Okay, maybe I did, once or twice or even more than 10 times, I know. But have I never listen to every little things you said? I doubt so. I may never seem interested in every words came out from your mouth or your text. But deep inside, only me, who knows, who understand everything that you said. As a quote goes, ' everyone hears what you say, friends listen to what you say, bestfriend listens to what you don't say'.

Let alone be within me. Okay, truth is I never really did show that I care. I do agree upon that. I never show that I concern. Because that's me, for a matter of fact that you have to accept. I don't mind being the shoulder to cry on, to lean on, or even being your punching bag. Infact, I'm glad to be one. It just that the way you let it out as if it was me to be blame. :'(

P/s : anyways, I had  a great day with you today. :) Just to let you know that I am.

Top wish list, :)

If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes.

“Matisse makes a drawing, then he makes a copy of it. He recopies it five times, ten times, always clarifying the line. He's convinced that the last, the most stripped down, is the best, the purest, the definitive one; and in fact, most of the time, it was the first.”   

-Pablo Picasso

Lesson yet to be learn,

You and I. Both of us are students. We both study in the same track. Both of us have parents, both of us have buddies. You're smarter, I must admit. Remember a saying goes 'what goes around, comes around'? I do believe in karma. You always get back what you give whether it is good or bad. I prefer not to say much. I have a long journey to go through.

Patience is a virtue, yet mine is wearing thin. Sarcasm is not a good verbal communication as far as I have learned. Treasure friendship, not treacherous it. Precious moments turned to be precarious. Take a step back where we were last time, last semester, last year. Aren't we were good? Take a little moment and ask yourself. No more winding around. I can't please everyone anyway. At the end of the day, I get to watch myself in trouble to get up from a broken chair.